Boundaries: Definition and Context

Candace Coston, LCSW

Humans naturally want to be part of a pack, to be included. This desire comes from a biological need for survival. For our ancestors, being solitary meant danger, higher risk of attack, or even death. As civilization advanced, the consequences for not being part of the pack no longer had life threatening consequences; yet, social isolation or not being socially accepted have created new consequences, and with that the drive to avoid those consequences. The desire to avoid the consequences of social isolation or not being socially accepted, has given rise to peer pressure, mob mentality, cliques, and other groups.

People can sometimes give into peer pressure, and act in ways that go against their values or sense of self, minimize their wants and needs, or even change who they are to be included in a social group. The need to be a part of something can sometimes clash with an individual’s boundaries and personal values.

Psychological boundaries are guidelines developed by people about how they allow themselves to be treated by those around them. Psychological boundaries are not frozen or unchanging concepts, they can depend on circumstances, situations, values, people involved, physical needs, and emotional needs. Psychological boundaries can be soft or hard, hard boundaries are limits that under no circumstances can be crossed or violated, soft boundaries are limits that can change based on emotional state, people involved, and situation.

Later articles will explore boundaries even more in the context of sense of self, friendships, relationships, and social situations.