Self-esteem counseling

What are signs of low self-esteem?

• saying negative things and being critical about yourself
• joking about yourself in a negative way
• focusing on your negatives and ignoring your achievements
• blaming yourself when things go wrong
• thinking other people are better than you
• thinking you don’t deserve things
• not accepting compliments or minimizing them
• avoiding challenges for fear of failing
• being overly upset by disapproval or criticism
• feeling sad, depressed, anxious, ashamed, angry, or worthless

Low self-esteem may come from experiences as a child. Maybe you had trouble fitting in at school. Maybe you felt like it was impossible to live up to the expectations of your parents. Children who come from households with histories of physical, sexual or emotional abuse also develop low self-worth. These circumstances can lead to ingrained beliefs a person develops about themselves.

Young girls and teenagers may be subject to unhelpful messages and ideals portrayed on social media and in the media generally, that lead them to believe that their worth is based on how they look or behave. This may lead to low self-esteem and negative thoughts about their self-worth. Difficulty with your performance at school or being bullied can also cause low self-esteem.

Stressful life events, such as a negative or toxic relationship, a bereavement or serious illness as well as physical changes and changes related to aging may also cause low self-esteem.

What are the outward effects of negative self-talk and low self-esteem ?

If you have low self-esteem, you may have difficulty with relationships and problems at work or school. You may become very upset by criticism or disapproval and withdraw from activities and people. You avoid doing anything where you may be judged or compared to other people.

Some people with low self-esteem stop caring about their appearance; alternatively, some over-compensate by always being perfectly groomed.

You could also have problems with your body image, use substances or alcohol as a way to cope, or begin to withdraw from social situations and interactions with others because of your perceptions of what they may be thinking about you.

Teenagers with low self-esteem may use alcohol or drugs to feel better or to fit in, may have poor body image, and may have sexual activity earlier than their peers as a way to gain perceived approval and acceptance, which unfortunately tends to be fleeting and ends up reinforcing negative self-worth and self-talk.

What health problems are associated with low self-worth?

Low self-esteem may be associated with health problems such as depression and anxiety, eating disorders, social phobia, attention deficit disorder and substance abuse. Low self-esteem can also cause you to lose out on opportunities because you don’t believe in yourself, or have the trust and faith in yourself to take chances. Eventually, predicting negative outcomes can lead to a vicious circle of attraction and self-fulfilling prophecies.

How to improve the way you feel about yourself and improve self-esteem

think about things you are good at — What are your strengths?

• frequently those with feelings of low self-esteem and self-worth are unable to identify any strengths and focus solely on areas they feel need improvement.

celebrate the small things in your life — give yourself a pat on the back when you achieve even a small thing

• rather than focusing on the things you didn’t accomplish throughout the day, focus on the tasks you completed and the things you did accomplish.

Work with a therapist to learn how to challenge your negative thinking— look for alternative explanations and put things into perspective

• sometimes the things you think others are thinking are really just your own thoughts about yourself projected onto them.

think about things you can change — don’t worry about things you can’t change

• ask yourself is the situation within my control? If not, how can I let it go?

avoid trying to do things perfectly — perfection is not possible

• perfectionism and low self worth go hand in hand…

stop beating yourself up if you make mistakes — everyone makes mistakes

• it’s hard to stop beating yourself up when it becomes your habit. Receiving therapy can help you retrain your brain to begin thinking about yourself in new ways.

do things you enjoy — it’s easier to be positive when you are doing things you like

• pick activities that make you feel good about yourself, try to avoid social media and the news and spend more time with people face to face.

be with people who don’t bring you down

• there’s a saying – you become like those you surround yourself with. Build relationships with people you respect and want to be like.

volunteer to help people — this can make you feel better about yourself

• volunteering can take the focus off of you and put it into others, while leaving you with a sense of accomplishment or self-value.

exercise — it can improve your mood

• the more time you spend in nature and doing physical activities, the better you will feel.